Part I
“Wisdom is the principal thing; therefore get wisdom: and with all thy getting get understanding.” (Proverbs 4:7, KJV) A clear understanding of narcissism is just what the Lord gave me one day. My life had been badly bruised by individuals who possessed volatile personalities. It was as if I had been in the dark my entire life and suddenly the light bulb brightened. My eyes were open, and I could mentally connect my experiences with those of Saul from the Bible and the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition (DSM-5) diagnostic criteria for someone who has a narcissistic personality disorder (NPD). This newfound understanding did in no way help justify the individuals who possessed NPD, but it did give me peace and the ability to readily recognize and deal with them.
Individuals who have NPD leave a trail of broken and bruised souls. These individuals possess the opposite of the Midas touch. Every relationship in their life becomes unhealthy. Even the relationships that looked healthy involved underlining mayhem where individuals had to submit their wills completely to the narcissist. Many—as I soon found—are working to rebuild their self-worth after being led to believe that they were worthless. So much criticism to feed an ego. There are those who escaped the narcissist only to harbor deep hatred for anyone displaying NPD characteristics, and there are those who will spend a lifetime working to put the pieces of their lives back together again.
The DSM-5 has done an excellent job of characterizing the diagnostic criteria for someone with NPD. However, the discovery and documentation of this personality disorder can be first found in the Bible. As you study the life of Saul in the Book of 1 Samuel, you will notice every aspect of NPD played out. Since this case study existed prior to the ones used to develop the DSM-5, I would confer on the individual having this personality disorder as having The Saul Syndrome. Not only did this personality disorder haunt Saul, but it reaped havoc on everyone that Saul encountered—his family, his servants, and the people of God.
Based on the scriptures, we should love unconditionally these individuals suffering from The Saul Syndrome but under no circumstance should we ever grant them control over our lives. We will witness the hot and cold treatments—the hugs and slaps that these destructive individuals will repeatedly display, and our appropriate reactions can be drawn from the scriptures as well. Surviving both the hostile environment and sometimes silent aggression is possible. Guidance from trained individuals such as family, small support groups, counselors, therapists, spiritual leaders, or the Lord Himself make it possible for people to not only survive living with someone who has The Saul Syndrome, but they can thrive.
When looking at the nine most common symptoms of person with NPD, I could easily connect my own experiences in life with those of Saul from the Bible. I took notice of the successful and unsuccessful reactions of those Saul affected. Without further ado, let’s dive into the first three of the nine most common symptoms:
1. The individual has a grandiose sense of self-importance.
This individual overemphasizes his or her talents in addition to amplifying any and all achievements. You may have heard of the idiom “tooting your own horn.” The person with NPD takes it to the next level. Not only does the person believe him or herself to be superior, but others are expected to make the same assessment. This individual’s mind is fully persuaded that “no one does it better,” and what that individual brings to the table cannot be matched. This individual truly believes that the sooner everyone else sees this, the better off the world will be.
In the Bible, Saul exemplified this symptom when he illegitimately offered a burnt offering—a sacrifice—to God. It was Samuel’s job to bless the sacrifice prior to it being burned. Saul had been appointed king over Israel; however, he was not authorized to bless the sacrifice. In 1 Samuel 13:12 Saul stated, “I forced myself therefore, and offered a burnt offering.” In other words, Saul took it upon himself to execute a function that belonged solely to Samuel. Saul viewed himself as being superior, and thus, if Samuel could execute this function, then so could he.
My own personal experiences with individuals displaying this symptom have appeared in the following acts:
- The individual refuses to accept help with tasks because he or she believes that anyone else would diminish the final product. Remember, no one can do it better.
- The individual repeatedly tells stories of his or her accomplishments to anyone and everyone. A conversation about someone else’s achievements will always end in a discussion about the person with NPD.
2. The individual is consumed with fantasies of limitless success, power, brilliance, beauty, and perfect love.
Being consumed with fantasies of limitless success and power, this individual envisions everything going his or her way. This individual pursues success, power, brilliance, beauty, and perfect love in a way that is not realistic. Factors such as God, competitors and other people’s self-will are not taken into consideration. Not only does this individual visualize the lifestyle of the rich and famous, but every waking moment is either spent pursuing it or thinking about it. Very little time is spent on things that fall outside these fantasies.
Saul basked in this symptom. Saul had originated from a lowly family in the smallest tribe of Israel, but overnight he was made king over Israel. To say that this new position of power went to his head is an understatement. Most of Saul’s thoughts were spent on advancing his kingdom. He had many servants, but the scriptures do not mention any close friends. Whenever situations did not go as Saul planned, it typically resulted in death for the other person.
My own personal experiences with individuals displaying this symptom have appeared in the following acts:
- The individual does not make time for family and friends. He or she cannot afford to waste time on people who do not align with their fantasies or what their desires are.
- The individual becomes angry and often panics when things do not go as planned.
- The individual struggles with the imperfections often found in relationships. He or she tends to lack healthy relationships.
- The individual’s reality does not match what everyone else sees.
3. The individual believes that he or she is extraordinary and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other people or institutions that are also extraordinary and unique.
This individual is fully convinced that he or she is head and shoulder above the crowd, and the only individuals worthy of any attention, are those who are also seen as being head and shoulder above the crowd. This individual looks down on those who he or she believes do not measure up to a certain status whether it relates to one’s education, occupation, or economic status.
Looking at the Bible, Saul exhibited this symptom when in 1 Samuel 15:9 he refused to destroy Agag king of the Amalekites. Not only did he disobey God’s commandment to destroy Agag, but he also refused to destroy the best of the animals. Anyone or anything that was deemed vile or worthless, the scriptures say that Saul utterly destroyed. Saul was not challenged by Agag seeing that he had defeated him in battle; however, he did admire him despite God’s disdain for his actions.
Sadly, I have personal experiences with individuals displaying this symptom. They tend to exhibit the following acts:
- The individual turns his or her nose at any individual who does not measure up to the standard. The standard could be based on one’s education level, type of occupation, or economic status.
- The individual seeks to surround himself or herself only with those who are wealthy, highly educated, or famous.
- The individual views evil as good if the person meets his or her criteria for being extraordinary and unique.
Part II of The Saul Syndrome: Understanding Narcissism will include the next three most common symptoms found in a person with NPD. Part III will discuss the last three most common symptoms along with Biblical practices for dealing with a person with NPD. No matter the environment, it is important for everyone to know that help is available. In the Bible, David survived the evil deeds of Saul to one day become king over Israel despite Saul’s unrelentless attempts to destroy him.
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