Part 2
Many people have been wounded and scared by individuals who possess The Saul Syndrome. They may feel like the nursery rhyme character Humpty Dumpty who sat on the wall and had a great fall. They may be broken into pieces where they feel as though their life can never be put back together again. The good news is that the Potter can put together the broken pieces of any individual’s life. The individual struggling with The Saul Syndrome typically has a tough time believing this, thus he or she will run from therapy and counseling tended on exposing inner turmoil. The individual with NPD strongly fears being like Humpty Dumpty in that he or she may not be in control to put all the broken pieces together. He or she will strongly seek to live a broken life rather than have it fixed.
The healing process begins with establishing or re-establishing the First Movement of Love. This means opening the flow of love between God and us. This may require the assistance of a spiritual leader or a qualified witness who is able to lead you down this path. In John 4:10-14, Jesus told the Samaritan woman at the well that He possessed living water that will cause a person to never thirst again. She had spent a lifetime searching for love to fill a void in her that only Jesus could fill. Jesus knew that once she received of His love, she would no longer seek it from men. The Samaritan woman would still have love for men, but it would not lead to failed relationships.
The second step in the healing process begins with establishing the Second Movement of Love. This entails us learning how to love self. Usually, this step is accomplished with the aid of a qualified counselor or a small group of experienced individuals. This involves unpacking all the negative self-worth feelings that have been piled on us by the individual or individuals who have NPD. Believe me, there may be quite a few that exist, and some of the wounds are very deep. It is important that you learn to love self properly so that you can better gauge how well you are loving others.
The third step in the healing process will focus on establishing the Third Movement of Love. Here we will learn how to love others properly. We will also seek out family, friends, or a small group to join. This will serve as our support group going forward. The old phrase that “no man is an island” holds true here. To make it through life we need a team of supporters. To make it through this life we need a healthy body. We need to join ourselves to a healthy body of people who will allow us to endure whatever life throws our way. We will soon discover that even in our weaknesses we will have the strength to help others along this journey.
As we look at the second set of three out of the nine most common symptoms found in a person with NPD, we will see how the individual looks at others as tools for his or her own bidding. Saul did not see an able body individual who was not ready to be used further his cause. I also found myself on the receiving end of many of these acts. Let us take a closer look at the second set of three of the nine most common symptoms:
4. The individual desires excessive admiration.
This individual has a very strong desire to receive praise and admiration from everyone. Their self-worth hinges on receiving an excessive amount of acclamation. No words or songs of praise are too much for this individual. The average person likes to receive some admiration from his or her friends, family, and colleagues; however, this person takes it to the extreme. The continuous praise likely fuels the other symptoms also found in an individual who has NPD. To see a smile on this person’s face just keep the praises flowing.
In the Bible, Saul displayed a need for excessive praise. Even in the situations where he was disobedient to God’s commandments, he sought acclamation from Samuel the prophet. Even when his son Jonathan won a battle in 1 Samuel 13:3-4, Saul blue a trumpet throughout all the land and proclaimed that he had smitten a garrison of the Philistines. When Saul did not receive such praise, he had a hard time dealing with the situation. Consider the case when in 1 Samuel 15:29 where Saul reached out and tore the skirt of Samuel’s mantel after being reprimanded for his disobedience.
My own personal experiences with individuals displaying this symptom have appeared in the following acts:
- The individual surrounds himself or herself with people that will constantly give praises for every act performed—no matter how small.
• The individual comes off as being very confident; however, he or she is full of insecurities. The insecurities are normally well-hidden from the public.
5. The individual has a strong sense of entitlement.
Most people talk of others feeling entitled to their money; however, in this case, the individual with NPD has a strong sense of entitlement that includes unreasonable expectations in all areas. This individual demands favorable treatment and automatic compliance with his or her expectations. This individual feels as though someone else’s time, money, resources are rightfully his or her, and access to such comes without boundaries.
Saul displayed this symptom throughout his kingship. In 1 Samuel 8, Saul took their sons & daughters, their fields, vineyards, and olive yards. He took their menservants, maidservants, goodliest young men, and asses. Saul even took a tenth of the people’s fields, vineyards, and sheep. If taking their children and belongings was not enough, Saul went and made the people his servants—his subjects. This strong sense of entitlement by Saul made him hard to deal with, and anyone that threatened this saw the volatile side of him. In 1 Samuel 20:30-33, Saul was angry with his own son Jonathan and threw a javelin at him because he did not comply with his wishes to kill David.
In my travels, I have come across individuals displaying this symptom with the following behaviors:
- The individual does not borrow, but instead he or she takes without ever returning.
- The individual exhibits what I refer to as “hug & slap” extremes. He or she will display extreme kindness when favorable treatment or compliance is given but will resort to extreme hatred when favorable treatment or compliance is not met. There is no grey area, it is either a hug or a slap.
6. The individual is interpersonally exploitative.
This individual seeks to exploit others for his or her own gain. Taking advantage of others to achieve his or her goals is nothing out of the ordinary. The practice of Utilitarian Love is all that is ever shown. The love given only exists if there is some usefulness from the other person. People are quickly evaluated to determine their usefulness in helping this individual obtain his or her dreams. If someone is deemed useless, then that person is as good as dead to this individual.
According to the Bible, Saul exploited every individual with whom he came in contact. As previously mentioned, he took their sons, daughters, menservants, maidservants, and goodliest young men. In 1 Samuel 8:11-17, we see that Saul used them all for his bidding. He put them in charge of his chariots, made them his horsemen, and assigned some to run before his chariots. He made some captains in his army. He even set some to ear his ground and reap his harvest. He was not finished there. He turned some into his cooks and bakers. The scriptures say that he took the menservants, maidservants, and goodliest young men that belonged to others and made them work for him. As written in 1 Samuel 14:52, whenever he saw any strong man, or any valiant man, he took him for himself to fight on his behalf.
My own personal experiences with individuals displaying this symptom have appeared in the following acts:
- The individual treats people nicely if he or she sees value in them. The individual treats them badly if seen otherwise.
- The individual resorts to gaslighting—distorting the truth—as a form of controlling others by inserting doubt into any story. This type of emotional abuse is used to exploit.
• The individual is very manipulative. He or she finds a way to convince others to pursue his or her dreams and not their own.
Part III of The Saul Syndrome: Understanding Narcissism will discuss the last three most common symptoms along with Biblical practices for dealing with a person with NPD. I want to reiterate that no matter the environment, it is important for everyone to know that help is available. In the Bible, not only did David survive the evil deeds of Saul to one day become king over Israel but the children of Israel along with Moses escaped the clutches of Pharaoh in their mass exodus from Egypt.
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